What am I doing right now?
Contemplating everything. It's getting late, and slowly my mind is wandering away from the 'all-nighter' I am trying to pull. Right now I am listening to a small portable heater purr like a cat with allergies as I try to just focus.
It's not really working.
I have to ask - although you can't answer me because you're made of little bits of metal and machinery, plastic, and pretty casing (and that is why I like you). Do you ever feel like something really awful is about to happen? Like something is going to break your heart sometime soon? I have just this feeling in my whole body. It's like a heart beat that quickens and sends an electric jolt to every part of me. I feel small drops of sweat on my back, my stomach turns sour and I get a tingly feelings running over my skin.
Either that or the cleaning fumes at work aren't doing anything good for me, but who knows?
I wonder too sometimes if I should start to write again. This blogspot thing, (if it works out, and I hope it does) will get me back in the game! Not any real game though...unless it's video related. I did my time as a person who was interested in sports. Vaguely.
Luckily I am over that no.
It's all about perception. I am really bad at understanding that people think just like I do. And I don't mean in the way that we're all scary clones in matching outfits. I often look at the world as a big play and only the major characters have thoughts and feelings. Those major characters being myself and my close friends and family. It's like people don't have their own lives, and when I leave they just step behind curtains and wait until their cue is called again.
I don't mean this in any demoralizing way, nor do I think I am better than anyone. On the contrary I wish I were innately better at everything I do. I just always feel like I am the only one existing. It's a hard thing to explain. I just find it so hard understand that there are so very many people in this world - I will never know them, ever see them, hear of them or know of their existence. They will though, go on and lead fulfilling lives. They too though will never know me in any way.
Am I the only one who think it's weird that you're going to live your whole life unknown and unless you do something to really get yourself out there (Become a reality TV star/'Normal' celebrity/) No one is going to know about it. No one will know about you. You could find the cure for cancer and get noticed, but let's face it - no one will know your name after a year. You'll turn into that person who cured cancer. You're name is only really set in stone if you fought six other people for the last rose.
Let's face it, no one gives a shit.
Lady Gaga is our sign that the world is going to end.
